Finding and Getting to Know Your Inner Child?

This can be a very touchy thing for many of us as we have often been told by our parents to ‘grow up and not to behave like children. But as an adult, you must find the inner child inside yourself and take care of it. You will have to give time each day to play with your inner child so that you nurture him/her.

It’s a tough ask but you will feel better if you do this regularly rather than just occasionally. If you don’t, then anger and other negative emotions may well overwhelm you at some point in the future.

Perhaps there was a time in your life when things were going well for you – whether at work or in your personal life – and suddenly something happened that brought you down to earth with a huge bump.

This was probably because you had become complacent and stopped looking after your inner child completely, so he/she decided to act up in some way that brought about the usual consequences of negative emotions like anger or hatred towards someone else or life itself. Don’t let this happen again! It’s up to you now – not your inner child – so please be kind to him/her.


1) Please don’t abandon yourself ever again;

2) Pay regular visits to the ‘house’ where your inner child lives (your heart), perhaps once or twice every day;

3) Spend time playing with your inner child;

4) Listen carefully to what he/she has to say;

5) Make time for your inner child in your schedule, perhaps at a specific time each day.

The aim is for you and your inner child to become friends in the long term so that you keep your inner child happy just as parents do with their children. This will ensure that no matter how much the outside world tries to bring you down, you’ll be able to deal with it because deep down inside yourself, you will have a sense of joy and well-being. In short, have a good relationship with yourself!

Inner child types:

These are some of the more common inner child types:

Victim ~ this little one is feeling like a victim, they blame others for their pain and problems. They feel weak, powerless & alone. They look to others (often authority figures) for guidance; when they don’t get the guidance that they think that they need, then this can lead to resentment.

This is where codependency starts forming in the personality, It’s like making them your family caregiver without giving them any training on how to be one (what do you expect). Worst case scenario, if it’s left too long without assistance or assistance isn’t available or appropriate at the right time with adequate resources; The Victim’s inner child type will take over the personality and become a female or male that is dysfunctional. This inner child type can be very damaging to others, especially other children that have been entrusted into their care.

Persecutor ~

this little one is angry with authority figures because of how they were treated. They will cause problems wherever they go, they lack self-control and guidance from appropriate authority figures because of mistrust issues.

This inner child type can be very dangerous to themselves & others around them, especially if the person has a history of violence in their family background (abusive partner’s for example).

In severe cases, these types get labeled as psychotic/schizophrenic, etc…. The label itself makes the problem worse. Some strategies work well with this inner child type but they aren’t as easy as telling the inner child to stop, you need to go deeper and get in there and help them let go of the pain that they hold inside. Once this is done; all should be good.

Whiner ~

this often occurs by itself or with the other two types (but isn’t limited to those two). This type will show up either as a victim or persecutor (or both) depending on how their story plays out in life & who’s around them at any given moment. Depends on one’s programming etc…

Whiners believe that no matter what happens, it happens to them only. They feel powerless because they either come from victims or people that can’t stand up for themselves (persecutors). These types need a lot of help to become functional because they tend to be very self-centered and look for others to solve their problems. This can make them very difficult for others who have been given the job of looking after them (like children).

Inner child affirmations:

Remember their feelings. Begin by remembering a time in the past when you felt the same way and see what you needed then that is missing now. Write these down and or say them out loud with feeling till you cry, it will only be for a few minutes. It’s cathartic and purging in some cases.

Remembering what we need helps us to ground ourselves makes us feel more real again remind us of our aliveness too, then we can begin to feel normal again after this has been done. This is all part of re-parenting your inner child again (reconnecting). The more time spent with this little one, the better they get at knowing what they need most and asking for it respectfully; this doesn’t make one superior or inferior, just a healthy individual that is capable of living a functional life just like anyone else.

Do something the child enjoys with them e.g. drawing, playing play station, etc… whatever it was they used to enjoy doing when they were little too. This needs to be done with lots of enthusiasm and encouragement to help them get grounded again after all this inner turmoil.

Signs your inner child is healed:

Before you can heal your inner child, there will be signs that changes are occurring within you. These signals/symptoms don’t just come up out of the blue and they’re not all good but they show how you’re healing and re-parenting yourself again.

This is a sign that it’s working:

You can think about something that happened to you as a child and not feel anything at all or cry (no longer care). You no longer feel responsible for others’ actions towards you or how they treat you. You no longer take things seriously, even if it could cause harm to yourself & others because this is part of their programming too e.g. 9/11 terrorist attacks etc…


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here